Proper Gym Etiquette.........Learn it.

As I am using a bike machine a strange man approaches. I acknowledge him, nod and continue pedaling on my merry way towards toned and delicious looking legs (let me dream). As I am shuffling between "blow your mind" by Eve and "crash" by Gwen Stefani you decide to ask me a question. Wait, that''s me being a little generous on your part. You yell at my face, "hey, how long u gonna be?" Now, being the civilized person I am, no matter what my heart rate is, I pause my candy-pop universe to let you know that it''s probably going to be at least fifteen more minutes and that there is a bike right next to me that would loved to be used! You look at me like I was muttering in Hebrew and pace the gym until you squat yourself on the quad machine. Now, somewhere you misunderstood my courteous response of , "it''ll be fifteen" for "please stare at me anxiously for the next fifteen minutes because I assume you have nothing better to do or no other muscle groups to exercise today".
As my legs slow from a fervent rowing to a lazy pawing motion I can see you in my peripheral vision already rising from the quad machine. I am so disgusted by your impatience by now that it is painted on my face similar to aboriginal war paint. I slowly collect my things and head over to the mats where by now I am silently cursing your lanky existence and contemplating asking you why you even think cardio is necessary for someone like you. Girls don''t want to have the worry of a mans'' body breaking under their weight as they are riding your c*ck which I assume resembles the No.2 pencil I was chewing on 3 hours ago during a Biology quiz. Now only do you have the gall to continue looking at me like I had ruined your entire day by setting you back 15 minutes but then you are so indecent to hand me my water bottle I had left! (While this sounds odd at first, don''t tell me you have never been there. They want you to think its an act of kindness because they truly believe that act makes up for all the stupidity previously acted out.) I hope you have nightmares of not being able to run fast enough from the UGA GYM DAWGS as they are chasing you in all their short, boy-like fury. I hope there near you is a rack of bikes that is permanently locked and everyone else is able to escape by wheel. May the image of their overly-painted faces never escape your minds'' eye!