News Flash!: Dump Not Taken!

Whoever has been occupying the stall in the 4th floor gentleman's bathroom in the UGA library for the past 35 min...I just wanted to say thanks. I walked in and heard the rustling of newspaper and quickly exited--even if there had been two stalls, I wouldn't have gone in and "turd burglarized" you, which happened to me on the 3rd floor of the library several weeks ago (I would now suspect that maybe you were the culprit?), its common decency not to do so (kind of like talking to the man using the adjacent urinal). So, upon my return upwards of 40 min. later I see that you were still using the bathroom...why? I understand that sometimes things can get a little out of control--I believe it was Tom Servo from television's Mystery Science Theater 3000 who compared diarrhea to a storm raging inside one's self--but when I entered the second time, I heard no frantic wiping, just you taking a leisurely poo--treating a public (TAX PAYER FUNDED!) facility as though it were the 1/2 bath at your mother's house!
"What'd we have...Newsweek, U.S. News and World Report, ah, here we go. Reader's Digest. I'm going to take this into the bathroom because reading a guest column written by _____ takes my mind off my bowel movement made difficult by eating nothing but macaroni and cheese. Oh, look! My dad left a part of the local paper...I'll just check up on...Oh, gosh, it looks like they let Billy draw the comic this time. Boy oh boy, there is nothing I love better than sitting on a fecal infected chair with my pants down for extended periods of time!"

Your mindset is that of a sunday driver. Taking a long automobile ride into the country to enjoy the serenity of cows out to pasture... marveling at the process of how a stake gets from the farm to the butcher shop to your lower g.i. system where it is digested...only to be crapped out over a 60 min. time span at the UGA library! I still have use the restroom but I fear you will still be in there! I go into the bathroom and walk right out for a 3rd time like a putz? To the onlooker it would appear that I have some sort of phobia of public restrooms and am torn between my need to expel waste and my fear to enter the facility! Walking around like a neurotic imbecile--like Bill Murray's character in the hit comedy

What About Bob

--with a gut full of crap? I now have to be at class in 9 min. I don't have enough time to search for the one bathroom in a building built in 1902 so I'll have to "hold it" for the next hour and through the 2 mile walk home so that when I finally get there I can rush to the bathroom only to have it come out like micro waved Pla-Doh--causing me to take an extra shower rather than try and sanitize myself with toilet paper!

So thanks for making a difference in my life. That's what college is all about, isn't it? Impacting one another's lives (or bowels)?